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Getting tougher to cope!

Well since yesterday's blog [ it's just gone midnight], things have got no better, Si is still asleep , drug induced, the hospice nurse [ not our usual one, she back tomorrow] never got things organised properly with the D/N's, so still a bit of a muddle re: Dexamethasone, inco sheets pads etc.. had to call them back tonight to give him a dose of the dex as he hadn't had any all day, they gave him a shot of morphine earlier as he said he had a headache, that's not a good thing! The injection driver is in now and we haven't got the dex for it yet, so he has to be given it orally, and I don't feel able to do that as he is now.

The oldest son was here to help today and my daughter and granddaughter were here to distract me, in a good way, the youngest son came when I was having a snooze, [up most of the night with si and hot sweats] hubby looked after si for a while.

This is such a hard time in our lives and I'm not sure how we will get through but I know we will, we talk and share our feelings pretty well so I assume we will be ok.

My parents are taking it extremely hard! I feel so sorry for them and I really think they need to be with us especially my dad, but I just can't cope having them here as well as looking after Si, I know he was feeling a bit rejected when I declined his offer to come down, I hope he understands the reasons, I'm sure he does!My mum is a bit, you know, oh dear it will be a kind release type and that I definatly can't cope with that! She doesn't mean to be insensitive but she is old and a little confused. I do love them both but it's my "family " going through this and that means me the old man and the kids.

I feel as though I am pushing everyone else out at the moment not wanting anyone seeing how vunerable Si is at the moment, [Over protective mother syndrome], but that's ok I will let them come soon.

So please say a prayer for ALL the people out there that are ill or sad or just lonely,ask for guidence for them and above all be as happy as you can, enjoy each moment you share with your loved ones.And remember it's never as bad as you think it is.

Posted by hardtimes at 18:26 on Aug 4th, 2008 (updated Aug 4th, 2008)

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Ideservemore	Posted on 10:43PM on Aug 4th, 2008 Sending you love and light...and to all those you requested. I wish I could do more, but it sounds like maybe it's our of our hands now.
mahler	Posted on 03:19AM on Aug 5th, 2008 Each day I hope to read that the witch has relented, but it does not seem now that she will, so maybe it is time to give up on her, she will pay for her hard hearted attitude in years to come. You are doing so well and I cannot know what you are really going through, your emotions must be so varied. I am so glad that you are getting so much support from family and friends. As for Si going into the hospice, that is a hard one to decide about, but I think I would keep him at home, because even though we may think he is unaware of what is going on around him I am sure that there is a part of him that does. I remember a patient of mine who had been in a coma for months, no response whatsoever, the end was nigh and the priest came in to give hime the last rites, as he was receiving the blessing - he actually smiled. You and your family and friends are constantly in my thoughts, and I wish you strength and comfort during this stressful time. Take carre of yourself xxxx
hardtimes	Posted on 04:58AM on Aug 5th, 2008 Thank you for your kind words, they do help really! I'm crying and then comforting the others and yes it is so hard not to have dark thoughts about the witch now, but as said this morning we will get through this together and we will emerge stonger and more loving towards each other. I have given up on seeing the kids, it would be so wrong for them to see him now.
kidatheart2	Posted on 07:06AM on Aug 6th, 2008 My heart and prayers are with you all.xoxox
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